Wood Turning and other wood matters

Life as a woodturner can be fun and hard work. I always say that wood turners don't make mistakes they have design opportunities. Well sometimes. This blog will perhaps give some insight to the ups and downs.It will be fed by both me (Pete) and my partner & wife Mo who collaborates and acts as quality control. Hope you find it interesting and perhaps a little amusing

Life as a turners wife.

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WOODCHIPS IN YOUR KNICKERS

 

I'VE DONE IT AGAIN ! FORGOTTON TO SEPARATE HIS WORK CLOTHES FROM THE REST OF THE WASHING. ALL THE DARK COLOURS HAVE GONE INTO TOGETHER AND I'M STOOD HERE PICKING WOOD CHIPS OUT OF MY LACE UNDIES....SIGH.... WILL I NEVER LEARN.

 

A MATTER OF A FEW OF YEARS AGO I COULD MIX AND MATCH MY WASHING AT WILL. ALL DARKS TOGETHER, ALL WHITES TOGETHER, ALL COLOURS TOGETHER. SINCE BEING WITH THE MAN THAT TURNS, ALL THAT HAS GONE OUT THE WINDOW.

 

THERE IS A PERMANENT TRAIL OF CHIPS IN VARYING SIZES THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE. THEY TUMBLE FROM HIM AS HE WALKS THROUGH, THEY SPILL FROM EVERY POCKET, FOLD AND TURNUP. THEY CLING TO WOOL, LACE AND CARPETS LIKE LIMPETS TO A ROCK.

 

THE BIG ONES AREN'T TOO BAD, YOU CAN SEE THEM EASILY AND PICK THEM UP BEFORE THEY HAVE WHEEDLED THEIR WAY INTO WEAVES. THE WOOD DUST GETS SWEPT UP, HOOVERED OR WASHED AWAY. ITS THE SPIKEY LITTLE SO AND SO'S THAT CAUSE THE TROUBLE, THE GROWN UP SPLINTERS. THEY HAVE THE ABILITY TO CLING IMMEDIATELY TO ANY FABRIC AND WORK THEIR WAY IN HANGING ON LITERALLY BY A THREAD AS THEY ARE WASHED, SPUN AND DRIED IN THE MACHINES. THERE THEY NESTLE HIDING BEHIND THE WEAVES AND IN THE LACE READY TO WORK THEIR WAY OUT AT THE MOST INCONVENIENT TIMES.

 

I MEAN, THERE YOU ARE SERVING YOUR CUSTOMER, YOU MOVE, AND DARN IT SOMETHING THAT FEELS LIKE A SPEARHEAD STABS YOU IN THE BUM. YOU WRIGGLE A BIT TRYING TO DISLODGE IT AND ONLY MAKE IT WORSE. YOU DARE NOT SIT DOWN IN CASE YOU RAM IT INTO YOUR FLESH. YOU TRY TO DISCRETELY TUG AT THE LACE TO LIFT IT FROM YOUR SKIN AT LEAST, BUT NO IT'S STILL THERE. SO YOU CARRY ON WITH THE CUSTOMER YOUR BUTTOCK INVOLUNTARILY TWITCHING WITH A MIND OF ITS OWN TRYING TO DISLODGE THE INTRUDER. YOU EVENTUALLY ESCAPE TO THE CLOAKROOM STRIP OFF AND INVESTIGATE ONLY TO FIND WHAT SEEMED LIKE A DAGGER PRODDING YOU IN THE BUM, TO BE A TINY 5MM SPLINTER OF OAK.

 

AS FOR THE POOR OLD TUMBLE DRYER. MY FRIENDS DO BATTLE WITH FLUFF IN THE FILTER, I ON THE OTHER HAND PRODUCE A CARPET CREATED WITH THE UBIQUITOUS FLUFF ALONG WITH WOOD CHIPS WOVEN TOGETHER AND COMPACTED. I'M SURE THERE MUST BE SOMETHING USEFUL I CAN MAKE WITH IT. RUGS FOR A DOLLS HOUSE MAYBE ? I'M TRYING NOT TO THINK WHAT GOES DOWN THE WASTE PIPE FROM THE WASHER. ONE DAY WE WILL GET AN ANGRY HOUSEHOLDER FURTHER DOWN THE WASTE PIPE CHAIN COMPLAINING THAT THEY HAVE SOMETHING JAMMING THEIR SEWER PIPE OUTLET WHICH WHEN DISLODGED WILL LOOK LIKE A CHIPBOARD LOG.

 

I HAVE LEARNT THAT FITTED CARPETS ARE A NO NO. WOOD, STONE OR LAMINATE FLOORS ARE THE ONLY ONES TO HAVE WITH A TURNER IN THE HOUSE. AFTER THAT IT'S A CASE OF HOW MANY RUGS YOU ARE PREPARED TO MAINTAIN BY VIGOROUSLY HOOVERING IN BOTH DIRECTIONS, THEREFORE TWICE THE WORK, TO DISLODGE THE CHIPS FROM THE PILE ONLY TO FIND WHEN YOU LOOK FROM ANOTHER ANGLE THERE ARE STILL SOME DIEHARDS CLINGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE IN THERE. I SUPPOSE THE ANSWER IS SHAG PILE IN A MIX OF NATURAL COLOURS SO THE LITTLE DARLINGS CAN BURY THEMSELF DEEP OUT OF VIEW AND HAVE A PERFECT DISGUISE, THAT IS UNTIL YOU WALK BAREFOOT ON THEM.

 

BETTER NOT GO ON TOO LONG OR SOMEONE MAY RETALIATE WITH HIS VERSION OF THE AFTERMATH OF MY SEWING. BITS OF THREADS EVERYWHERE, STRAY PINS, HAVING TO ACT AS A MODEL WHILE I PIN UP THE HEM. OR MY JEWELLERY MAKING. OFFCUTS OF WIRE ON THE FLOOR, SLIPPING ON DROPPED BEADS AND MY STOCK TAKING UP EVERY SPARE SPACE.

 

FOR ALL THAT I WOULDN'T CHANGE HIM FOR THE WORLD, BUT DON'T TELL HIM THAT OR HE WILL STOP SHAKING HIS CLOTHES BEFORE HE COMES INTO THE HOUSE AND EMPTYING THE POCKETS OR DOING THE HOOVERING ON A REGULAR BASIS. THE PLUS SIDE IS I LIVE WITH A CONTINOUS STREAM OF BEAUTIFUL OBJECTS THAT EVOLVE AND CHANGE AS HE DOES IN HIS WORK. I HAVE LOVELY THINGS TO USE AND CHERISH AND PIECES HE MAKES JUST FOR ME. I HAVE BEADS, DROPS AND FOCALS MADE FOR MY JEWELLERY WITHOUT COMPLAINT. ALL IN ALL A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR A FEW WOODCHIPS IN MY KNICKERS.

Decorated Maple platter

 

Thank you george.

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  1. George Foweraker

    Lovely Bowl Pete and Mo

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